Kayla (00:08):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Routine Drama, a podcast where I talk about the everyday dramas of just existing in the world and maybe some things that we can do to make that a little bit easier.
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We are still working with the natural lighting situation for the film portion of this podcast. I will probably get a ring light here sometime in the near-ish future because it is really annoying to have the lighting fluctuations throughout each video and just throughout each episode.
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But podcast updates aside, this episode I wanted to get into something that I think about a good bit and that is finding a therapist.
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There are some people who, I think, you either are considering going to therapy or you want to want to go to therapy, but maybe you just don't know how to get started.
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Or even if you are someone who personally knows, "Yeah, I really should probably talk to someone professional, but God it's just such a hassle and how do I even go about doing that?" that's kind of all of the therapy-related drama that I wanted to get into today:
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How to actually find a therapist and how to make sure that it's someone who's in your health insurance network, if you do have health insurance, and what you can expect if you don't, and just some of the different things to look for as you do start seeking out a therapist.
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I feel like one of the biggest blockers to people actually going to therapy is just not really knowing how to get started.
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It can quickly become very frustrating, especially if your mental health is not in the best place. Which, for me at least, I know when I haven't been in therapy and I come to a point where I'm like, "Oh, I really need a therapist again," I'm in a bad enough place that that thought is being triggered.
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But kind of as a part of that, you're then not feeling you're most motivated, you're not feeling super optimistic about probably life in general and to then add another task into that, that is finding the person who can hopefully help you improve your mental state, it can just feel like a lot.
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So that is some of what I want to eliminate here for you.
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I do also just want to say upfront that this video, this episode is in no way sponsored by any therapy providers or online therapy solutions or anything like that.
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I know there are a couple out there that do tend to show up in podcast ads more than others. I mean that's great, but just to be completely transparent at the time that I'm recording this, I have absolutely no sponsors.
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It's still way too early for that.
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Supposing the show ever gets to a place where I can have sponsors, it's possible ads could be added in retroactively later, but as of this time and this filming, everything that I'm talking about in this episode comes from my personal experiences only.
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And I have had quite a few experiences finding therapists.
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I have been in therapy on and off for between five and six years at this point and I have had five or six therapists in that time. I think I might be on number seven right now.
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So this brings up a good question and kind of leads into the topic: Why have I had so many therapists? Five or six kind of seems like a lot to me compared to what I would have thought in terms of someone having a therapist.
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What I have found is that there are a couple different reasons that finding a therapist and staying with that therapist can be somewhat tricky.
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Number one, if you move or your health insurance provider changes, you may have to change therapists. Not all therapists are licensed in every state. The online services that provide, like, remote therapy sessions, those therapists are in their system and they're checked before you're assigned to them that they can provide therapy in your state.
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That doesn't mean that they can provide therapy in every state, but they're usually licensed in the state they reside in as well as a couple others.
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As far as health insurance goes, I'm sure we have all dealt with trying to find in-network providers for even just the most basic healthcare services. It's the same when you are trying to find a therapist.
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There will be therapists and therapy groups that are in your network or that are out of your network.
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If they're in your network, then you would likely only have to pay a copay and that can vary from, I've had it as low as $30 or $40 a session, which is really good to as high as mental health not being included in my health insurance plan. In which case a single therapy session could be anywhere from $100 to $200, but you're probably easily looking at closer to the $200 range.
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So I have moved several times in the last couple years. I've also changed jobs quite a few times, and even within single jobs my healthcare provider has been changed by my employer.
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So all of those things combined, that's probably the main driver of why I have changed therapists so often.
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That said, I think as you do start speaking to a therapist, you get a sense of if they're going to work out for you or not. If you feel like you can talk to them, you can open up to them.
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And I am very fortunate in that most cases I have not had a problem with a therapist that I have gone to.
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I only ever went to one therapist who, in the first session, I knew "This isn't going to work out." Our personality types were very different and this person was just a bit distracted during my first session with her and I didn't feel like she was really listening to what I was saying, which is not a good sign, especially if you are paying this person a significant amount of money.
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So I did not go back to that person, but every other therapist I have had a meeting with, I've stuck with them for at least several months if not years.
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So when it comes to actually searching for a therapist, you typically would want to start with your health insurance website if you are fortunate enough to have health insurance here in the US.
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So what I usually do is I log into my health insurance provider's portal and then you would search for "therapists" or "behavioral health counseling" are usually the terms that they use.
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And then in the results that come up, obviously look at who is in your network. Sometimes they're even able to estimate what your copay would be, and they can usually tell you how far that person is from your house, if they offer online or in-person sessions, and you can kind of get the best information that way because that will immediately ensure that any therapist you find is covered by your health insurance.
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If you don't have health insurance or for whatever reason you decide you don't want to go with the therapists that are in your network, you can also just do a search on Google or Google Maps and look for therapists or specific kinds of therapists.
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Even "therapists specializing in LGBTQIA issues," "therapists specializing in PTSD," whatever it is. A lot of websites and even Maps results have those keywords in them as well. So you can usually find some results that way too.
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Alternatively, there are therapy directories that you can go through. I actually found one of my previous therapist--and one of the best therapists I've ever had--I found her through the psychologytoday.com website.
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Just using their therapy search, searching in my area, and contacted her through the site to see if she was accepting new clients, she was, and like I said, one of the best therapists I've ever had. So there are a couple options for actually finding a person you might want to go to.
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Once you have a therapist or a few therapists that you think, "Okay, this seems like it would be a good fit, it's close enough to my house or they offer remote sessions," whatever, what you would then do is contact the therapist or their office to schedule an appointment.
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Now it is not uncommon, at least not in any of the areas I've lived in, to be told that there's a waitlist to see the therapist.
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Which is why I kind of recommend having maybe three to four potential therapists that you want to look into so that you can contact them all, even if it's just through their website form, and just reach out on the website, say, "I'm interested in being a new client, is there waitlist?" And just get the ball rolling so that at least those conversations have been started.
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And then if there is a waitlist, hopefully you can find other support in the meantime.
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I am going to link some resources in the show notes, but I will also mention here that if you feel like you need help right now, you need mental support immediately, there are a lot of really great resources out there.
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One of them, if you're in the US, is the crisis hotline, which I believe you can reach by just texting 988 or calling 988.
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This is what I think we used to think of as the suicide prevention hotline, but it is just an open line for anyone in crisis.
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So to be very transparent, I have called the crisis hotline a couple times in my life and it was never when I was in a place where I felt like I really didn't want to be here anymore. It was just that I was having a really, really tough time emotionally and mentally and I just needed someone to talk to and basically say, "Hey, I hear you."
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And so I called that number and it was a really great resource when I just couldn't get in to see my therapist or see a new therapist quickly enough for me to deal with my feelings and then move on with my day.
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So that is a great resource and there are others as well. Like I said, I'll link all of those in the show notes and on this episode's transcript so that you can access those if that is how you're feeling.
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I would say the average wait time for a therapist, that I've experienced at least, I've had it be as short as maybe about a month or I have also been told it could be four to six months before the particular therapist I'm interested in would be taking new clients.
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And when that's the case, I wouldn't advise holding out for that therapist. At the very least, I think it would be good to consider another option just so you can start getting help and working on what's bothering you and just stay on that waitlist.
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And then if that therapist becomes available and their office reaches out, you can change and go to them. Or if you're happy with your current therapist, you can just say, "Oh, no thanks. I found someone," and they completely understand.
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Another thing that I think it's important to know about finding a therapist, especially if you've never gone to therapy before, is that you do not have to settle for a therapist that you don't feel a connection with.
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It doesn't have to be a connection where you feel like they're your friend or something. And in fact, you really do not want a therapist who treats you like a friend. That would be a huge red flag.
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But you should be able to feel like you can talk to them, feel like they don't judge you, and they should make you feel like they understand where you're coming from, even if they're providing feedback or advice that is like, "Oh, you could work on this a little bit."
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Your therapist is not just meant to praise you all the time. They're meant to help you sort your shit out and be a better person, to heal, to work on whatever it is you need to work on.
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And that can often get very, very uncomfortable and it's really hard emotionally for you to do that kind of work.
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They need to understand that and they need to understand your communication style, your personality, and what is going to help you without making you feel judged in a therapy session.
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At least the majority of the therapists I have had, they have all been really good about just being very communicative with me in the first session, asking about what kinds of feedback I like, how I like to be spoken to, that kind of thing.
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So if you find a therapist, you get into your session with them and you just are not feeling it, like you maybe feel like they're not giving you advice that is resonating with what you've just told them, then you have every right to just, when you leave that session, okay, you don't go back.
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You can call their office, cancel your future sessions, just remember that you're paying this person, they work for you. And if they are not seeming like they're going to be able to help you, it may be better to just go back to the list of potential therapists you found and just start with the next person that you can get in with and see if that works better.
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I have also done online therapy services and I've gone that route twice. And actually that is what I'm doing right now, and it's been good both times.
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This current time, I really, really like my therapist. I have only had her for a very short amount of time, but she is just great. She doesn't baby me, but she is also so caring in the way she speaks, but she's never placating. I don't feel like she's fake basically.
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And really she helped me work some stuff out very, very quickly and it just really motivated me to get back into therapy and start doing the work more.
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That said, I have been taking a break from therapy for the last say, six months or maybe a year at this point. And I think that it's also important to say that that is okay too.
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Therapy is so accepted in our society and it's so talked about, especially on social media platforms, I think it can almost feel like if you're not in therapy, you are not trying. Or you're not doing something right, or you're not handling your responsibilities in life.
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But I just don't think that's true. Having been in therapy for at least four years, pretty much nonstop, at a certain point, I kind of started to feel like I needed to run every single decision in my life by my therapist. And it really kind of dimmed my ability to rely on my own voice.
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And so I decided to take a break from therapy and I think that was really helpful. I did accomplish what I wanted to in that and listening to myself more.
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But realistically, we're all human. I'm a human being and I do still have things that I want to work on, and I want the guidance of a professional in doing that.
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So if you don't feel that way and you feel like, "Yeah, I'm pretty good in my life, like I'm content, I try to keep my shit together and I think I'm doing an all right job," then that's also okay. And you don't have to go to therapy just for the sake of going to therapy because it's trendy or whatever now.
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So just to close out this episode, I just want to leave you with the mindset that finding a good therapist can kind of feel like finding a date.
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Very different scenarios, but it can kind of be that same slug of, "Alright, I got to look at some profiles, try to contact a couple people, we'll see who contacts me back, see when they would be able to meet." And then you can kind of start gauging their personality and their professionalism.
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And seeking help doesn't have to mean that you do it on your own or that you take it upon yourself to try to contact all these people.
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If there's someone in your life you can go to and say, "Hey, I'm not feeling really great, I just don't have the motivation to try to find a therapist for myself, would you help me?" Reaching out for help doesn't mean that you're weak and it doesn't make you lazy or anything like that. It just means that you're using the resources available to you to get help.
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So that is where I will leave you today.
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As always, if you have feedback about this episode, if you have questions related to finding a therapist or want to share anything about your experiences with therapy, you can always email me at routinedramapod@gmail.com.
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And if you feel so inclined, I would really appreciate a rating or review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you're listening, it really does help. It tells the algorithms that people are paying attention to the content on their platforms. Not just for me, but for any show, any artist that you listen to, especially smaller, independent ones, it makes a huge difference.
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So yeah, that is it for today.
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Take care of your mental health and I will see you next time.